I Too Am Extraordinarily Humble

Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 is a fun MCU movie, better than the first. By this time, people knew and loved Star Lord and his motley crew of losers. The picture above was on the DVD Display Stand. It appeared in the break-room at my job at Barnes & Noble and it reignited my love for this franchise. Plus they just look cool, like the Ramones the picture’s based on.

Chronologically, this movie takes place right after the first one even though Age of Ultron came first. Unlike the first one, the Guardians are separated from each other. We all know they do their best work together as a family. As far as Peter Quill goes, the first movie dealt with his mother issues. Now it’s his father issues.

James Gunn seemed to have a lot of fun with this movie, proving the Guardians belong in the MCU and are box office gold. This movie, fair warning, has a lot to it. A lot of movies and pop culture at this time were leaning towards the 1980’s including Stranger Things and Super 8.

• The movie starts out in Missouri, 1980. Brandy by Looking Glass is playing. This is a subtle but very important song in the movie, more on that later. We see a younger, not sick Meredith Quill singing to the song while a de-aged Kurt Russell drives and smiles at her with his feathered CGI hair. His name is Ego and he’s a Celestial from outer space
  
  

  
  
  

  

  
  

  
  
• A little vehicle knowledge. The Mustang II is known to be a horrible Mustang but Kurt is driving a blue 1978 Ford Mustang II King Cobra Edition, complete with cool hood decals. The King Cobra (named in the DVD scenes menu) is the best of that line
  
  
  
  
  
  
• In 1980, the real Kurt Russell was starring in Used Cars and Amber Waves. Big Trouble in Little China (a favorite of mine) was to be made in a few years and 1981 saw him as Snake Plissken in Escape from New York
  
  
  
  
• They go to Dairy Queen. Their website says there are 103 DQ’s in Missouri right now. A sequence later in the movie shows the Dairy Queen still being there. In an alternative What If universe, Peter Quill works there. Editor's note: I could use a Blizzard right about now
  
  
  

  

  
  
• Ignoring the tasty treats inside, the couple goes to the woods behind the DQ and find an unusual-looking alien plant growing amongst earth plants and trees. It’s Ego’s plant, a part of him. Meredith is a few months away from giving birth to Peter and is aware that her beau is from space and not human. She does tell her family this fact but by this time, cancer is eroding her brain. She calls him an angel bathed in light. According to Ego, this is a semi-true statement
  
  
• Cut to 34 years later and the Guardians of the Galaxy are contracted by The Sovereign to protect valuable Anulax batteries from space monsters
  
  
  

  

  
  
• Drax states that he has sensitive nipples, the reason why he won’t wear a shirt (except to Tony Stark’s funeral) or rocket pack. James Gunn is fully leaning into the inherent funniness that is Dave Bautista. He laughs a lot in this movie and has great lines. Rocket the Raccoon laughs. Rocket’s also trying to master sarcasm and the occasional wink
  
  
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• Baby Groot is there. He’s so damn cute. Guardians II came out in 2017. The Mandalorian with his baby Yoda came out in 2019, so that’s two years of cute baby supremacy. Baby Groot is a little psychopathic and doesn’t understand most human commands. Plus his sole words continue to be “I am Groot” in a teeny-tiny Vin Diesel voice. But he’s not the Groot from the first movie, this is more like his son or offspring
  
  

  
  
  

  
  
  

  
  
• Quill uses an old football game he must have had in his childhood backpack to track the space monsters. The game is a “modified 1977 Mattel Classic Electronic Football Handheld game.” He also makes a big deal of him using guns and Gamora using a sword. Since they’re fighting space monsters, Gamora will use a gun as well. The ironic thing is that Gamora eventually kills the monster using her sword
  
  

  

  
  
• Title cards come up while Groot is dancing and the Guardians are fighting the beasts. Another great opener from James Gunn. Like a baby, he’s always eating things he shouldn’t or fighting what frustrates him. Rocket acts like his dad, Gamora his mom and straight up hates Drax (He does have a great line of “Out of the way, smaller, weaker, Groot!”). Quill I think is just tolerated
  
  
• Quill has become quite the strategist and team builder since the first movie and comes up with a way to kill the monster, which Gamora eventually does
  
  
• Turns out the Sovereign are genetically engineered to be perfect specimens, gold in color and arrogant. They’re also very easily offended. Aisha, the Grand Priestess flirts with Quill but then suddenly is offended by his genetic structure. Rocket lets his natural sarcasm out and really ticks off all the Sovereign
  
  

  

  
  
• For their efforts in defeating the space monsters and protecting batteries, the Guardians are given Gamora’s sister Nebula (The Sovereign had captured her). Her new life goal has been devoted to killing Thanos, her adoptive father. Yay, family reunion...
  
  
• Rocket stupidly steals the very same Anulax Batteries they were contracted to steal. Drax is unable to say the name of the batteries correctly, a funny bit throughout the movie
  
  
• Back on The Milano
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Quill puts on a gray shirt after showing off his abs. It has an alien script on it that translates to “Gear Shift” but kinda looks like “Yeah Baby” to human eyes. There’s little cartoon molecules you can see. It’s an outer space candy or soda brand. Just like I did in College, the free promo t-shirts or ones with Calvin and Hobbes drinking are a sign to do laundry
  
  

  

  
  
• The relationship between Gamora and Quill is starting to heat up. Drax does give his “dancer vs not a dancer” theory, saying it would never work out between them
  
  
• Suddenly, The Milano is attacked by hundreds (and thousands) of Sovereign ships. Rather than risk their perfect selves, the ships are remote-controlled like a video game (complete with sound effects). They’re there to destroy the Guardians since Rocket stole the batteries
  
  
• Rocket and Quill argue who’s the better pilot in an asteroid field, much to Gamora’s chagrin. Nebula, now a prisoner of the Guardians to be sent back to Xandar for the bounty) is nearly killed
  
  
• Drax gets into a spacesuit (which looks like bubble wrap) and destroys the final Sovereign ship. However, thousands more come out the other side until an egg-shaped ship with a man on the outside holding on with reigns destroys them all
  
  

  

  
  
• We learn more about how space travel works in the MCU, something that will come in handy in subsequent films
  
  
• The Milano is damaged by the space jump and crashes into a forest planet. Quill calls Rocket a Trash Panda and tells Nebula she’s a horrible liar
  
  

  

  
  
• The egg-shaped ship lands and its modern Kurt Russell (apparently he looks like that in order to engineer good vibes from Peter). Mantis, his aide, comes with him. Other movies (and a Christmas special) states that Mantis was also a child of Ego (he lied to her, big surprise) and subsequently is Peter’s sister. He uses her to fall asleep. If she wasn’t useful to him, he probably would have killed her
  
  
• Contraxia, a pleasure planet with android hookers. Yondu and his Ravager clan are partying it up. We see Howard the Duck flirting with James Gunn friend Molly C. Quinn. She was on Castle playing Alexis, responsible for some killer lines. I don’t know if her Guardians 2 character was currently a Ravager but was one for Guardians 3
  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  
• We’re then introduced to Sylvester Stallone’s character Stakar. Like his comics counterpart, he has this funky tubing around his upper body. Stakar, along with Martinex (played by Smallville’s Lex Luthor) is a Ravager leader. He explains why he’s so mad at Yondu – Yondu went against the Ravager code by kidnapping kids for Ego (including Peter) and was exiled from the Ravagers because of it
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• The party\argument is interrupted by Aisha and the Sovereign. Her feet never touch Contraxian ground, since it’s not worthy for her feet. She contracts Yondu to capture the Guardians and retrieve her batteries. Some of the Ravagers include Economos from Peacemaker as Jeff, the scarred Irish bomber from Sin City, the imaginatively named Jimmy Urine (the dude who eats a spider and looks like a rock star) and Cheddar Bob from 8-Mile
  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  
  
• Quill and Gamora have a conversation about David Hasselhoff. Actually, about Zardu Hassellfrau and his magic car. One of my favorite shows growing up was Knight Rider, about Michael Knight and his talking car KITT; they fight crime together. The show ran from 1982-1986, a perfect time for young Peter Quill. David Hasselhoff was also a huge pop star in Germany although his music didn’t translate very well in America (he does claim he brought down the Berlin Wall). Quill kept a picture of the Hoff in his pocket and would tell kids that it’s his real dad – he was either shooting his show or on tour with his band, that’s why he wasn’t around much. It turns out Quill still has that picture (looks to be from a teen magazine from the 80’s). Around the campfire, Ego really plays up to Peter, saying he heard of a man called Star Lord. Even his appearance was meant to have Peter trust him. And, yes, I picked the cheesiest picture I could find
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
• The Guardians separate as Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain plays. Not a good idea. Quill, Ego, Mantis, Gamora and Drax go with Ego to his planet while Groot, Rocket and Nebula stay with the damaged ship
  
  
• On the ride to Ego’s planet, we find out Mantis is an empath and can feel and change emotions in those she touches. She's in a lot of alien makeup and is normally blonde and human
  

  

  
  
  
  
  
• The Ravagers attack the remaining Guardians at the crash site. Rocket sees them coming and sets up Home Alone-style traps. It knocks out, electrocutes or throws the Ravagers all over the place but never kills any of them. The only kill was an accidental one by one Ravager to another. Yondu eventually captures Rocket with his arrow and reveals he would never hand them over to the Sovereign. This angers his crew, especially Kraglin who thinks it's unfair. Nebula, who has been freed by a nervous Baby Groot, shoots the fin off Yondu’s head, knocking him unconscious along with Rocket. Nebula reveals her sexy voice (like in What If)
  
  
  

  

  
  
• We arrive at Ego’s planet. Ego is revealed to be a Celestial (the same as from the Infinity Stones and Eternals). He started off as a brain in space, looking for other signs of life. He made himself a fully-functioning human body. The planet itself is Ego, an extension of his being. Moving sculptures tells his story. Skipping over a lot, he then met Meredith Quill
  
  
• Meanwhile, back on the Ravager ship: the bad guys (actually, worse guys) throw all the Yondu loyalists out the airlock. The bad guys have a new captain: Taserface. Rocket brutally makes fun of the guy’s nickname. Groot is locked in a cage while Yondu and Rocket are tied up watching the whole thing. Kraglin visibly doesn’t like it. Nebula stops the whole massacre and wants a new hand and a ship
  
  

  

  
  
• Ego has to return to his planet regularly, to recharge to the “light” located in the planet. His story has lots of holes - why not just bring Meredith and his kid to the planet instead of doing what he did? Talking with Peter, we find out that Peter can access that light as well, effectively becoming an immortal Celestial along with his father. The two toss around an energy ball like a father and son with a baseball on Earth
  
  
• Yondu reveals to Rocket that he used to be a Kree Battle Slave, sold by his own parents. He was freed by Sly Stallone and the Ravagers and became a Ravager himself, captaining his own crew. Groot is forced to wear clothes (a tiny Ravager uniform) and gets beer poured on him by Cheddar Bob. Yondu and Rocket concoct an escape plan
  
  
• It involves Groot getting a prototype fin from Yondu’s former Captain’s chambers. This fin allows him to control the Yakka Arrow. Groot grabs everything EXCEPT the fin, including a guy’s eye and somebody’s severed toe. This is pretty damn funny. In his tiny voice, Groot explains “I am Groot” and that he doesn’t understand or like hats. He thinks its part of their head, and then, they remove the hat and it’s not! Kraglin helps him get the right fin and says he didn't mean to cause a mutiny, they killed all his friends
  
  

  

  
  
• Yondu has Kraglin separate the ship into its smaller parts and lets loose his arrow, literally killing every Ravager upon the ship. Before Yondu kills Taserface, the betrayer calls the Sovereign, telling them how to get Yondu. They make fun of his name too
  
  
• Now the humorous, time-wasting portion: evidently you can’t make more than 70 space jumps without it affecting space-time or the people on board the ships. Rocket, in his urge to get to his family, puts the ship on course to make over 700 jumps. The four make crazy faces, bent by physics
  
  
• Quill and Gamora dance, inspired by this “unspoken thing” they have. Quill references Cheers with the relationship between Sam and Diane (Gamora has no idea what he’s talking about it. Cheers was a sitcom about a Boston bar that started in 1982 (my high school graduation song in 1993 was the Cheers opening song). Sam and Diane were the bartender and waitress respectively who had a will-they-or-won’t-they romantic situation. Typically, this kind of thing goes on for a long time in TV shows, worried they’ll destroy the ratings like Moonlighting. They argue and Gamora goes on her own to think and stew
  
  

  

  
  
• Nebula makes it to Ego’s planet and starts attacking Gamora, crashing her ship into a cave. Nebula says she didn’t want to hate Gamora, she only wanted a sister. They were both little girls kidnapped by Thanos, forced to do what they needed in order to survive
  
  
• Ego explains Brandy the song and why its lyrics are exactly like his life. Peter will remain immortal “as long as the light burns”
  
  

  
  
• Peter wants to make “some weird shit” with his new powers including a statue of Pac-Man, Skeletor and Heather Locklear. Pac-Man is a popular video game series that started in 1980, it even spawned hit records and cartoons. He even shows up later. Skeletor, as people who watched the new Masters of the Universe movie know, is the mortal enemy of He-Man. Skeletor is an 80’s (first aired in 1981) supervillain sorcerer with plans to take over the world and defeat He-Man. He has an extremely muscular body and a skull instead of a face. He can still talk and laugh. He appeared in multiple cartoons, comics and movies. Heather Locklear is an American actress who was the very definition of dream girl in the 1980’s (along with fellow Heather Thomas from The Fall Guy, my personal choice). She appeared in TJ Hooker and Dynasty in the 80’s before moving up to Melrose Place in the 90’s. She used to be married to Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee and Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora. Her career fluctuates after that, depending on substance abuse issues
  
  
  

  
  
  

  

  
  
  

  

  
  
• After somewhat making up, Gamora and Nebula walk back to Ego’s castle and discover a cave full of bones. The plot thickens as we’re given more info about Ego
  
  
• Ego shows his enormous ego and tells Peter his master plan. After finding out he’s not alone in the universe, he deems them lacking and comes up with a plan. He will bang every species he can find in order to get himself a spawn who can share his power. He either gets his own kid or hires Yondu to bring them to him. If they don’t demonstrate connecting to the Light, Ego kills them, dumping them in the cave in his backyard. At the same time, he plants pieces of himself on every planet in the galaxy. When activated, the plant will take over the world and every world will become Ego. Peter is the first of his progeny to have Celestial powers – for once he is NOT ALONE!
  
  
• Telling him all this, Ego opens Peter’s mind to the vast cosmos, persuading him to his point of view. Ego then makes the mistake of saying he killed Meredith Quill with a brain tumor. He was so in love with her it threatened his mission. She had to go. Peter gets so mad at Ego that he shoots him with his double laser guns. Ego puts himself back together and briefly becomes literally David Hasselhoff. Ego had Kurt Russell's face because it was close enough to Hasselhoff’s to trigger trust within both Meredith and Peter!
  
  

  

  
  
• Rocket, Yondu and Baby Groot continue to pinball around the universe. One of the stops involves a spacesuited Stan Lee talking to a series of Watchers about when he was a Fed-Ex man on Earth (Tony Stank from Age of Ultron)
  
  
• Yondu tells Rocket they’re very much alike, they both push people away that love them because they’re scared. Rocket constructs a bomb with the Sovereign batteries
  
  
• So now everybody knows about Ego’s plan AKA The Expansion: procreate, kill, dead kids, one alive kid, plants himself on every planet, grow plant, every planet becomes Ego. Everything’s kinda happening at the same time
  
  
• Since Peter won’t cooperate, he’ll use him for a battery (there’s that theme again) for the next thousand years. Strands of light shoot beneath the palace, pushing their way into Peter’s brain. And like the bastard he is, Ego destroys Peter’s Walkman and mix tape. In the meantime, we see Ego’s planet has a face on it
  
  

  

  
  
• In order to save Quill, Rocket and Yondu use this construction ship the Ravagers stole for a bank heist. The Expansion starts. We see the part of Missouri the Dairy Queen’s in start to erupt in this black cloud of goo
  
  
• Yondu crashes the ship into Ego, buying the Guardians a little bit of time. Quill is freed and mad about his mom and Walkman. Mantis meets Rocket and says that the “crabby puppy is so cute he makes me want to die!”
  
  
• Kraglin is chilling on the main Ravager ship, eating soup and making a song about it when the Sovereign fleet (still remote controlled) makes its way into Ego’s atmosphere
  
  
• The battle in the underground of Ego’s mind begins. It’s where his heavily armored brain is located. Destroy that, you kill Ego. Mantis manages to put Ego to sleep using her empath powers. Rocket and Quill have to use tiny Baby Groot in order to plant the bomb. Given the difficulty they had just to get the fin for Yondu, this may be more difficult than realized
  
  
• The Sovereign attack, the construction ship is destroyed. Floating down to the surface, Yondu looks like Earth mystical being Mary Poppins, so Quill tells him. “I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!”
  
  

  

  
  
• The battle continues, Mantis is knocked unconscious and Drax brings her to the surface, despite the pain his nipples have while wearing a rocket pack. Nebula saves Gamora from death for a change – the two sisters are healing and bonding
  
  
• Ego reconstructs himself fully again, he looks a bit like Doctor Manhattan from Watchmen. Now it’s Quill vs Ego when Quill discovers it’s his heart that fuels his Celestial powers – the love for his new found family. It’s the same way Yondu controls his arrow. The Expansion now continues, overwhelming many planets
  
  
• We hear The Chain again as the Guardians come together in battle. On Earth, we see Quill’s grandfather (now aged) with another woman; we don’t know if it’s his nurse or wife or what. At this point, the remote controlled Sovereign fleet is destroyed, causing Aisha to have a temper tantrum
  
  

  
  
• Yondu is ready to sacrifice himself after all the harm he’s caused but now he’s mentally ready to do so. He says goodbye to Rocket and Groot who tells him: “Welcome to the frickin’ Guardians of the Galaxy. Only he didn’t use the word frickin.” Groot needs his mouth washed out with soup for such a little guy. In the Ego vs Quill battle, Quill uses his powers to make a Pac-Man type armor using rocks to slam into Ego – it doesn’t really work but it’s cool visually. Gamora is shocked by Rocket to prevent her from going back to the surface to save Quill. Drax is equally distressed and yells at Rocket
  
  
• Groot was successful planting the bomb and it explodes. Ego is killed and the Light is destroyed. Peter has no more powers. He’s tackled\saved by Yondu with his rocket pack. Here comes the most heartbreaking part of the movie – Yondu gives Quill his bubble-wrap spacesuit and sacrifices himself to die in space. “He may have been your father, but he wasn’t your daddy. I’m lucky you’re my boy”
  
  
• The Funeral for Yondu. Quill compares him to David Hasselhoff after all, since they both slept with beautiful women and had crazy adventures. Everybody’s sad and his ashes are put into space. Gamora and Nebula say goodbye as sisters, with Nebula swearing to kill Thanos. Kraglin gives Peter a “Zune” which can hold over 300 songs. This device was made by Microsoft in 2006 to compete with the IPod. It didn’t do so well and was discontinued in 2011. Kraglin is given Yondu’s fin and arrow and calls Quill “Cap’n”
  
  
  
  
  
• Meanwhile, all the Ravager ships come to them to honor Yondu, who died with honor as a Ravager, all sins forgiven for what he did. Kraglin salutes (as did we all while trying not to cry). Perhaps even more perfectly, Quill plays Cat Stevens on his new Zune while Groot connects with him. There are space fireworks, heard “the horns of freedom and the colors of Ogorn” were seen
  
  

  

  
  
• We see other Ravagers (who make up the original Guardians in the comics) like Charlie 27 played by a huge Ving Rhames and Sylvester Stallone as Stakar. Rocket apologizes to the Guardians in his own way and doesn’t chase them away. Quill and Gamora are now together as a couple, their unspoken thing now spoken
  
  
• The End Credits are the best in any Marvel movie. They’re supposed to look like a space themed Trapper-Keeper, a distinctly 80’s notebook\folder. I loved these things as a kid; everybody had them for years! A lot of the names of crew members first say “I am Groot” before morphing to what they’re supposed to say in English
  
  

  

  
  
• Post Credit #1: Kraglin tries to control the Yakka arrow by whistling and stabs Drax in the eye, humorously screaming while Surrender plays
  
  
• Post Credit #2: Stakar (Sly Stallone) has brought them together, the original Guardians from the comics, including Ving Rhames, Shang-Chi’s auntie (but as an alien pirate), Miley Cyrus as a robot head and an alien sorcerer making emoticons with magic among others. “Let’s steal some shit”
  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  
• Flashlight plays and reminds me of the one-shot party scene from the NWA movie Straight Outta Compton
  
  
  
  
  
• Post Credit #3: We see a distressed and depressed-looking Aisha back on Sovereign territory. She’s about to be called before the High Council for wasting so many resources going after the Guardians and batteries. She reveals her revenge: a new birthing pod, a genetically superior Sovereign called “Adam.” He appears in the Third Guardians movie
  
  

  

  
  
• We hear a 70’s style song from the Sneepers called Inferno. It’s made by James Gunn and the video is populated by the Guardians, sans alien makeup. Sung by David Hasselhoff himself, he ends the credits (which also include animated Guardians pictures dancing along with Howard the Duck and the Grandmaster). The Hoff declares “In these times of hardship, remember We Are All Groot”
  
  

  
  
• Post Credit #4: We see Teenage Groot, like he’s going to appear in Infinity War and he’s very surly towards Quill. Ignoring and mocking him while playing a video game. Vines are everywhere
  
  
  
  
  
• Post Credit #5: Stan Lee continues to talk with the Watchers but they get bored and leave him on the desolate asteroid. How’s he getting home, they were his ride